Hey there! It’s been awhile! I apologize for that! Sometimes life just happens and you lose track of time. Since October, we’ve been staying busy and getting ready for January. A couple posts ago, (you can read it here), I talked about what I have been doing to pass the time as we inched closer and closer to the start of our first IVF cycle. As time progresses, my posts will become more frequent to journal our experiences.
Overall, time has passed quickly, even quicker than I expected. It’s hard to believe we are 3-weeks away from beginning our adventure and “searching for our key”. I’m finding myself becoming more emotional as we get closer and getting nervous, which I know is to be expected.
I recently checked in with our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist/Fertility Specialist/Baby Doc) to be sure we are on track to start our cycle. She stated if we wanted we could start suppression this month and do the egg retrieval (surgery) the first week of January or just wait 3 weeks and begin meds in January. I have to admit, I panicked.
I know I have been talking about how we were going to be starting in January but now that the time has come, it’s overwhelming to realize. It’s one thing to talk about it and the process but now we are going to actually experience this highly-anticipated “thing” in our lives. This is really happening.
While my anxiety continued reaching an all time high, we went to church yesterday. The services leading up to Christmas have focused on the book of Matthew and the story of the birth of Jesus. Although, I was somewhat distracted with what our plans for what the rest of the day entailed, our schedule for the week, the grocery list, etc., I pulled out the outline given to us to fill in keywords and take notes. Little did I know this week’s message would hit me right in the feels. Funny how God does that, right?
This week’s lesson concentrated on the prophecy of the birth of Jesus. Our pastor focused on the relationship of Joseph and Mary and spotlighted Joseph and his reaction of Jesus’ conception. Our pastor explained Joseph faced a devastating disappointment when he found out Mary, a woman who he was going to make his wife, a virgin nonetheless, was pregnant with a child. Joseph then received divine direction when God sent an angel to Joseph and told him to continue with the plan to make Mary his wife despite her being pregnant. Not only was she pregnant but pregnant with God’s Only Son. The angel continued to say Joseph was to name him Jesus and he would be known as Emmanuel, meaning “God is with us.” After this, we learned Joseph made a defining decision and followed his instructions from God. As it was said in the message, Joseph was at a fork in the road and he was faced with a decision that would forever define the rest of his life. Joseph chose to make Mary his wife and as we learn later, Mary gave birth and they named him Jesus. Joseph obeyed God’s word and trusted Him.
Then came time for the application of this story. How does this apply to us? What lessons can we learn from Joseph? Our pastor stated there are three lessons to be learned. He said the first being “we must recognize we are all going to face a devastating disappointment in some season of our life.” He continued to say there are some of us right now who have already been relating to Joseph because we are in that season of life right now.
At this point the grocery list or this week’s schedule are no where on my radar and I’m staring straight ahead thinking to myself, “I need to hear this.”
Our pastor provides examples of some devastating disappointments and goes on to say, “maybe your whole world has been shattered by some unexpected news.” I hear God say to me, “Are you listening?”
The second lesson from the life of Joseph is when we face devastating disappointment, we must seek divine direction. We must be humble enough to admit we don’t have the answer and to search in God’s Word for the answers. Someone has been through what you have been through and there are stories in the Bible that can be related to. James 1:5 says if any of us lacks wisdom we should pray and He will provide direction. I immediately thought of Rachel, Sarah and Hannah. All who experienced infertility. I felt compelled to right down their names and circle them.
Finally, like Joseph we have to choose to make a choice. We have to make a defining decision to completely trust and obey. Joseph didn’t understand why things were happening the way they were at the time and what He was asking Joseph to do, Joseph continued to trust and obey Him.
When our Pastor then asked the church “What is your devastating disappointment? What is your burden? What is weighing you down?” I felt tears streaming down my face and I began to sob. Yep, the ugly cry face came out in the middle of church. However, a few minutes later I felt a complete sense of comfort come over me. I’ve prayed harder in the last two days than I ever have since I found out about my infertility.
Anytime my anxiety returns I remember those three names I wrote down and circled on my outline. Needless to say, I’m learning to live more like Joseph and completely trust and obey God and his plan for our future.
I have attached a link to this week’s message for anyone who is interested! CLICK HERE
I’m excited for my next blog post! I’m hoping to get my husband’s point of view on a few things prior to starting our cycle. He says he will let me “interview him” lets hope he feels that way in a few days!
Until then, have a great week!