Hello and Happy Valentines Day to everyone! I have taken quite a few days before making another post because frankly, I was in between hysterical and hopeful. I wasn’t sure what I would say and if it would make sense.
When I last left you in my post, All it takes is one…, I had just had my egg retrieval. As I said we had 14 eggs retrieved that day and then received a call the following day that 6 eggs were mature (usable) but only 5 fertilized. Many women on this journey talk about the dreaded Two Week Wait, where you are in no-man’s-land between transferring an embryo and your pregnancy test. I would say the 5 day wait, from Egg Retrieval to Egg Transfer was way worse emotionally. During this time, we waited to hear exactly how many eggs would make it to Day 5 or to an ideal blastocyst stage.
We received a call on Day 3 indicating all 5 fertilized eggs were at their stage-appropriate 8-cell state. I was so ecstatic to hear this news! Generally, you can expect about 1/4 of eggs retrieved to make it to day 5. So hearing 5 were continuing to grow gave me hope but at the same time Day 3 to Day 5 is the hardest milestone to get to. We later received instructions from our doctor for Egg Transfer on Day 5.
Two days passed and we were at transfer day! I woke up at 6:30am even though our appointment wasn’t until 9am. I’m sure it was mostly due to nerves but truthfully, I kept waiting for a phone call. I had this feeling they were going to call before we left and inform us none of our eggs made it. I don’t know why I was so pessimistic but I felt like the next 2 hours took forever. I felt a giant sense of relief when we got in the car to drive the 25 minutes to the office without receiving a call. I was also feeling pretty decent because they gave me a Valium to take the day of the transfer to relax my body.
Upon arriving, they escorted us back to the unit where the retrieval was done but this time we were in a different room, with low lighting and calming music. We were first met by the lab tech who brought out a picture of two embryos. They were our embies!! She explained they weren’t quite blastocysts but instead early blasts. They were on their way but not quite there yet and because of this she would consider them in fair condition. (They rate good, fair and poor) She then asked if we wanted to transfer one or both. Hubby and I had discussed prior to this entire journey we would only transfer one in the beginning. Our response to her was a quick “One.” She said okay and about this time our doctor walked in and the lab tech showed her the pictures and told her we would like to transfer one of them. At this point, doc looks at us and says with my Stage 4 Endometriosis, my previous AMH results (hormone that predicts egg quality and reserve, mine not showing favorable) she would recommend both. At this point, I’m pretty sure my Valium had packed it’s bags and left the building and I could feel my heart start to race. I started looking at Hubby and he said “We decided, non-emotionally, we would only do one. We should stick with our decision.” He was right. We did but now I’m doubting myself. I ask doc if the chances of success increase greatly if we did two and she immediately says yes. Okay, now heart is really racing and I look at Hubby again. He repeats “We said we would only do one no matter what.” I look down and think to myself “I know…but that was when I thought we would have something to freeze. They are saying if we don’t transfer both we will most likely lose the other.” There are 2 other extremely young embryos they can let grow one more day but it’s not looking promising. I finally cave and say, “We will stick with our decision and let’s do one”. They complete the transfer and we head home.
I’ll admit I wasn’t happy about it at the time. I always like to have a backup plan and now I’m not sure we will have a plan at all. Newsflash! In IVF there is no plan! It was a silent car ride home. Deep down, I didn’t care about twins I just wanted babies. I wanted my own babies with the man I married. I probably would have agreed to transfer five right then if I could have. Later discussing our decision, I realize where Hubby was coming from. He was thinking about our future, our budget, our lives. He brought up a good point in saying the doctors can say what they want but in the end, they aren’t coming home to help us raise or pay for our future children. We can’t make an emotional decision when stress is high.
So we transferred one. One. One early blast who I’ve stared at on a piece of paper for the
last 5 days. 5DP5DT=IVF Lingo for “5 days post 5 day transfer”. Our pregnancy test, also known as a Beta HCG test or Beta for short, is Wednesday. They will detect any HCG levels to see if my body is accepting the embryo and to see if it has implanted. I’m trying to keep busy to kill time. I even went back to work 2 days early. Otherwise, I would spend most of my time googling every symptom, best or worst case scenario with my stats and compare myself to thousands of others on various forums and blogs. (Trust me, I’ve done enough of this.) I’m trying to not get excited or plan ahead because I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’m emotional enough as it is with the Progesterone shots giving me all the pregnancy symptoms whether I am or not, I don’t need to add to it. I’m also trying not to stress with the idea if this doesn’t work, we will have to go through an entire new round of IVF to try again since the other three embryos didn’t make it to freezing.
Please pray for Hubby as he has had to deal with a (more than usual) emotional wife through all of this. He has been so incredibly supportive through this search for our last key and has taken the brunt of my emotional drama. He has also done every injection which he has stated he hates doing because it causes me pain and worked through his schedule so he is able to go to my various doctors appointments. Please pray for the possible baby I may or may not be carrying at this point. Finally, please pray for me and that God will give me peace and understanding. I am continually reminded it is His will, not mine.
At this point, I’m unsure if I will make a post on Wednesday. It will depend on the outcome. I would venture to say “No News is Bad News” and would ask if you don’t hear anything to please keep our family in your thoughts while we decide the next step.
Until next time,