“Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.”-Anonymous
When I heard this quote, I felt there was nothing more fitting than this metaphor for my life at this exact moment. I knew it was perfect to be the start to a new phase in my life and the title for this blog.
Doors. Doors bring opportunities. Sometimes the door is wide open, welcoming you through to new possibilities. Other times, they seem to be locked and although you may think you have the key and you try everything you can to jiggle that darn thing, nothing seems to work. I have faced many doors. Some small and trivial, some having unicorns and rainbows waiting on the other side. Then, there are the ones that look scary, gigantic and wrapped in caution tape.
I approached the first, of what would be a series of many scary doors, beginning in high school. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism when I was 17 years old. In June 2014, I was diagnosed with Stage IV-Endometriosis. In the year following, I would also be diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), Pre-Diabetes, and a fatty liver all while receiving a variety of medications, some feeling like they were doing more damage than good. (Foreshadow of future posts to come) We were told that if we wanted to grow our family, it may not be achievable without assisted reproductive technology. On top of that, if we wanted to pursue help, we needed to do so in a timely manner due to my health.
The door in front me now is not only frightening but when I first heard the word “infertility” uttered by a doctor, I could almost hear the sound of my “Baby” door slamming shut and a padlock being slapped on tightly. This is a door I can remember dreaming about since I was 6 years old, carrying around a baby doll everywhere I went. When others said they wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer when they grew up, I said I wanted to be a “Mommy”. No matter how hard I pry with my fingers, bang on it with my fists, yell and scream and slide my back against the door until I’m slouched over on the floor with my head in my hands, my door won’t open. Not without a key. Right now, I don’t know what that key is or where it may be. But if you are anything like me and have ever lost your keys, (not the metaphorical ones, the real ones), the first thing I do is retrace my steps and search high and low and in every possible place.
The reason I started this blog is to bring awareness to not only the diseases that I have been confronted with, but also the journey of infertility my husband and I now face. Since June 2014, I have begun researching, pinning, tweeting, messaging, joining, liking, emailing and calling hundreds of websites, organizations, doctors’ offices and people who may be standing at a similar door or helping others find the key. I was quite surprised to see the lack of support provided to women searching for a personal story in which they can relate, not statistics, percentages and estimations. In addition to hopefully being a voice about a taboo subject, I aim to provide support to those experiencing infertility first hand and those who may know someone standing at a door of their own. Further, we have a large support system of friends and family that have been interested in following our journey and this will be easier to communicate on a larger scale.
January 2016 will be the prospective date of our first IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) cycle. Until then, I have 4 months to ensure that my body is literally ready to cross that threshold in the best way possible. I’m expecting the search for this key to be stressful, joyful, eye-opening, humorous and inspiring. Please feel free to follow AND SHARE if you are standing at that door, someone you know is going through their bunch of keys, or you just want to know about our “search for the last key”.
If you have any questions, comments or posts you would like to see, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
See you soon,